Skin Colour

Assalamualaikum

Hey Hi Hello

Have you guys tried listening to a podcast? I’m currently exploring this podcast world. Trying to find what interests me, what to listen to. I love storytelling, conversation-like podcast but I do not prefer to ‘over talk and over laughing’. I’m not sure if it is the correct terms. So over talk, for me at least, is like when someone gets too excited, they will talk louder and breath heavily. Over laughing is just like the words, over laughing. Honestly, I am that kind of person who talks louder in the middle of a conversation when I got excited and laugh a bit too much when something is funny BUT in a podcast, people are using some kind of microphone (I don’t know technology) that makes these type of sound too much for me that I can end up getting a headache (especially because I usually use earphone). Also, I’m quite picky about the voice I want to listen to. I don’t know how to explain it. Everyone has their own taste in music and it is the same with voice.

My introduction is too long. Sorry about that. Long story short, last week when I was getting ready and wanted to listen to a podcast while I’m at it so I scroll my Spotify account, looking for whatever title that catches my eyes. Found it, click it. Not interesting enough, scroll again. Found it but still not interesting enough so, I kept on scrolling until I found the one. The podcast name is “Weird & Wonderful by DOPStv” by Iman Azman and Amal Azman. Check them out if you aren’t already. I listened to them from when I’m getting ready until I arrived at work. Two topics that are so close to my heart are “How to Adult” and “The Colour Concept”. For now, I want to talk about the second topic. The Colour Concept. The speakers basically talked about how they felt about their skin tone which is dark, how Malaysian perspective about fair and dark skin, how it affects them, etc. Go listen to them if you want to know more. It was very interesting on how relatable it felt as I’m also a dark skin person and I want to share my own experience and thoughts on that topic.

Growing up, I always think of myself as an ugly person. I don’t like to take pictures of me alone and even look at my own picture. I’m dark, not skinny and not pretty. During primary school, I really want to brighten up my skin. Maybe not as white as snow but a few shades lighter. So, I look up at products that claim to whiten your skin and the naïve I am, I believe in them. I tried a few products and one product that stand out the most because they always marketing their product like; “Use this product and you shall be a few shades lighter in 7 days “. Can you guess? It was the same as the podcast shared. Moving on. I tried and I didn’t see any difference. Maybe I should give it more time so I bought another one. Still, nothing happened (I’m not rich so the products I bought were cheap anyway). At that moment, I kinda lost hope yet still looking for more (not buying any though). In the podcast, they said that Malaysia typically fond to fair skin people and I agree with that. Previously, when I think about pretty girl, I thought about fair skin, skinny girl. In my school, this type of girls is a famous one and every boy want to be their special someone which somewhat affect my confidence and how I saw myself. I never really think that anyone gonna like like me and I’m not really bothered. But yeah, I still daydream about the ‘what if’ and all those imaginations.

I mostly agree with all that was discussed in the podcast. Now that I am an adult, I still have the same insecurities. Let me just clarify that although I feel like I’m not attractive because of my dark skin, my body size, my voice and all that, I don’t think the same for other people. Meaning, I don’t think that all dark skin people ugly or only skinny people pretty. NO! It just how I see myself and I know that I shouldn’t. My way of coping with insecurities is simply not thinking about them. I focus my attention on other things that make me happy and sometimes I looked in the mirror and I think that I’m beautiful (rarely but I’m happy whenever that happens). Compliments from other people help too. But in the end, it is you that can help yourself. I don’t know how to give advice because I obviously struggle with it but I know that everyone is beautiful in their own way and you should know that too. You have to believe that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Ok bye.

The podcast;

Spotify: Weird & Wonderful by DOPStv

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu6yRQFXi84

2019 Resolutions?

Assalamualaikum

Hey Hi Hello

How 2019 treating you guys? I hope everything’s great. I got my first scold from my boss the first week. Haha. It was my fault and it took me two days to get it right. Life advice; if you are not sure or something seemed off, don’t make an assumption! Especially if it is a life-changing decision. I used the wrong size of containers, they didn’t fit their box and the shipment was at the end of the week. Therefore, I had to scoop everything out, melt them, pour into the right container, put them in the fridge for an hour. For 90 pieces of balms. Only using 2L beaker. The shipment ended up delayed because of me. So I am not exaggerating when I said it was a decision that could change your life.

Moving on. Resolution. I have a couple of resolutions in my mind and I’m planning to see if I could have done any in January before listing them here. Well, that didn’t work. I didn’t do anything. Damn. So I’m contemplating, whether or not I should post them. If by the end of the year I couldn’t achieve even one, I’m gonna be embarrassing myself. All of my resolutions can be achieved if I stop being LAZY! It kinda likes my year-round resolution. It's so bad that I genuinely think if I’m not as lazy as I am, I would be in a better place and do great things. Not saying that it is bad where I am now. Hmm. I think I’m gonna list it out but blur the words and each time I manage to do it, I’ll reveal it and explain what it is all about, why I’m doing it and how I achieve it. Yeah. I think that is a good plan for now.

Ok bye.

Continuation of 2018 Summary

Assalamualaikum.

Hey. Hi. Hello.

Let’s continue with the 2018 summary. Btw, happy new year guys.

So after those damn problems, my life somewhat went back to normal. No more life-threatening, brain exploding problems.

I finished my internship in July and present it to the lecturer in the same month. Now, the adult phase began. Job hunting (not so aggressively) started while still working at the same fast food place. After a week or so, my supervisor at my intern place contacted me and asked if I want to do a part-time job there. The job scope is the same as the internship. I accept. I thought my friend also got the offer, unfortunately, no. I felt guilty as she was the one who found the job and told me about it. The guilt was unbearable. Even after I was offered to work there permanently. Well, she did tell me that it’s ok but still. I tend to overthink stuff that related to feelings and guilt toward other people.

Starting this month, I’m a permanent employee (woot woot). Therefore, my adulthood began. Aqilah’s definition of adulthood: not a student anymore. Well, at least as degree student because I want to further my study but not now. Work for a couple of years first. I already have a student loan and to take another one is not something I desire. And I’m not from a rich family that can afford my study. I start making my own money after SPM (like most of the kids). No more allowance, not that I asked for it. So with my own money, I continue my study; matriculation and university). Well, I still have some leverage here and there. My sisters support my daily sh*t; bills (house, electric), grocery, food. My salary is for my own expenses like the motorcycle, phone’s bill, etc. When I was a student (not so long ago), I worked part-time at the workplace where I worked since SPM, McD. But only during the weekend, not frequently, just so that I have enough to pay for the motorcycle. Other expenses were using PTPTN money. Each semester I tried to save about 40% of the loan just so that I saving for an emergency. Let me tell some life advice. No matter what, always have some saving because you never know what will happen.

Well, that’s it I guess. Hmm. I want to write a new year resolution which is not something I do because I never achieve them so why bother. But this year I want one. Why? Because by the end of this year, I want to look at it and see if any of it achieved. And, I was actually inspired by a youtuber; Amber Scholl. She is someone I never thought I would like because of her extraness (a little too much for me sometimes). I'm very entertained by her. Maybe I’ll make a post about youtubers I watch.

See ya.