Skin Colour

Assalamualaikum

Hey Hi Hello

Have you guys tried listening to a podcast? I’m currently exploring this podcast world. Trying to find what interests me, what to listen to. I love storytelling, conversation-like podcast but I do not prefer to ‘over talk and over laughing’. I’m not sure if it is the correct terms. So over talk, for me at least, is like when someone gets too excited, they will talk louder and breath heavily. Over laughing is just like the words, over laughing. Honestly, I am that kind of person who talks louder in the middle of a conversation when I got excited and laugh a bit too much when something is funny BUT in a podcast, people are using some kind of microphone (I don’t know technology) that makes these type of sound too much for me that I can end up getting a headache (especially because I usually use earphone). Also, I’m quite picky about the voice I want to listen to. I don’t know how to explain it. Everyone has their own taste in music and it is the same with voice.

My introduction is too long. Sorry about that. Long story short, last week when I was getting ready and wanted to listen to a podcast while I’m at it so I scroll my Spotify account, looking for whatever title that catches my eyes. Found it, click it. Not interesting enough, scroll again. Found it but still not interesting enough so, I kept on scrolling until I found the one. The podcast name is “Weird & Wonderful by DOPStv” by Iman Azman and Amal Azman. Check them out if you aren’t already. I listened to them from when I’m getting ready until I arrived at work. Two topics that are so close to my heart are “How to Adult” and “The Colour Concept”. For now, I want to talk about the second topic. The Colour Concept. The speakers basically talked about how they felt about their skin tone which is dark, how Malaysian perspective about fair and dark skin, how it affects them, etc. Go listen to them if you want to know more. It was very interesting on how relatable it felt as I’m also a dark skin person and I want to share my own experience and thoughts on that topic.

Growing up, I always think of myself as an ugly person. I don’t like to take pictures of me alone and even look at my own picture. I’m dark, not skinny and not pretty. During primary school, I really want to brighten up my skin. Maybe not as white as snow but a few shades lighter. So, I look up at products that claim to whiten your skin and the naïve I am, I believe in them. I tried a few products and one product that stand out the most because they always marketing their product like; “Use this product and you shall be a few shades lighter in 7 days “. Can you guess? It was the same as the podcast shared. Moving on. I tried and I didn’t see any difference. Maybe I should give it more time so I bought another one. Still, nothing happened (I’m not rich so the products I bought were cheap anyway). At that moment, I kinda lost hope yet still looking for more (not buying any though). In the podcast, they said that Malaysia typically fond to fair skin people and I agree with that. Previously, when I think about pretty girl, I thought about fair skin, skinny girl. In my school, this type of girls is a famous one and every boy want to be their special someone which somewhat affect my confidence and how I saw myself. I never really think that anyone gonna like like me and I’m not really bothered. But yeah, I still daydream about the ‘what if’ and all those imaginations.

I mostly agree with all that was discussed in the podcast. Now that I am an adult, I still have the same insecurities. Let me just clarify that although I feel like I’m not attractive because of my dark skin, my body size, my voice and all that, I don’t think the same for other people. Meaning, I don’t think that all dark skin people ugly or only skinny people pretty. NO! It just how I see myself and I know that I shouldn’t. My way of coping with insecurities is simply not thinking about them. I focus my attention on other things that make me happy and sometimes I looked in the mirror and I think that I’m beautiful (rarely but I’m happy whenever that happens). Compliments from other people help too. But in the end, it is you that can help yourself. I don’t know how to give advice because I obviously struggle with it but I know that everyone is beautiful in their own way and you should know that too. You have to believe that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

Ok bye.

The podcast;

Spotify: Weird & Wonderful by DOPStv

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qu6yRQFXi84

2019 Resolutions?

Assalamualaikum

Hey Hi Hello

How 2019 treating you guys? I hope everything’s great. I got my first scold from my boss the first week. Haha. It was my fault and it took me two days to get it right. Life advice; if you are not sure or something seemed off, don’t make an assumption! Especially if it is a life-changing decision. I used the wrong size of containers, they didn’t fit their box and the shipment was at the end of the week. Therefore, I had to scoop everything out, melt them, pour into the right container, put them in the fridge for an hour. For 90 pieces of balms. Only using 2L beaker. The shipment ended up delayed because of me. So I am not exaggerating when I said it was a decision that could change your life.

Moving on. Resolution. I have a couple of resolutions in my mind and I’m planning to see if I could have done any in January before listing them here. Well, that didn’t work. I didn’t do anything. Damn. So I’m contemplating, whether or not I should post them. If by the end of the year I couldn’t achieve even one, I’m gonna be embarrassing myself. All of my resolutions can be achieved if I stop being LAZY! It kinda likes my year-round resolution. It's so bad that I genuinely think if I’m not as lazy as I am, I would be in a better place and do great things. Not saying that it is bad where I am now. Hmm. I think I’m gonna list it out but blur the words and each time I manage to do it, I’ll reveal it and explain what it is all about, why I’m doing it and how I achieve it. Yeah. I think that is a good plan for now.

Ok bye.

Continuation of 2018 Summary

Assalamualaikum.

Hey. Hi. Hello.

Let’s continue with the 2018 summary. Btw, happy new year guys.

So after those damn problems, my life somewhat went back to normal. No more life-threatening, brain exploding problems.

I finished my internship in July and present it to the lecturer in the same month. Now, the adult phase began. Job hunting (not so aggressively) started while still working at the same fast food place. After a week or so, my supervisor at my intern place contacted me and asked if I want to do a part-time job there. The job scope is the same as the internship. I accept. I thought my friend also got the offer, unfortunately, no. I felt guilty as she was the one who found the job and told me about it. The guilt was unbearable. Even after I was offered to work there permanently. Well, she did tell me that it’s ok but still. I tend to overthink stuff that related to feelings and guilt toward other people.

Starting this month, I’m a permanent employee (woot woot). Therefore, my adulthood began. Aqilah’s definition of adulthood: not a student anymore. Well, at least as degree student because I want to further my study but not now. Work for a couple of years first. I already have a student loan and to take another one is not something I desire. And I’m not from a rich family that can afford my study. I start making my own money after SPM (like most of the kids). No more allowance, not that I asked for it. So with my own money, I continue my study; matriculation and university). Well, I still have some leverage here and there. My sisters support my daily sh*t; bills (house, electric), grocery, food. My salary is for my own expenses like the motorcycle, phone’s bill, etc. When I was a student (not so long ago), I worked part-time at the workplace where I worked since SPM, McD. But only during the weekend, not frequently, just so that I have enough to pay for the motorcycle. Other expenses were using PTPTN money. Each semester I tried to save about 40% of the loan just so that I saving for an emergency. Let me tell some life advice. No matter what, always have some saving because you never know what will happen.

Well, that’s it I guess. Hmm. I want to write a new year resolution which is not something I do because I never achieve them so why bother. But this year I want one. Why? Because by the end of this year, I want to look at it and see if any of it achieved. And, I was actually inspired by a youtuber; Amber Scholl. She is someone I never thought I would like because of her extraness (a little too much for me sometimes). I'm very entertained by her. Maybe I’ll make a post about youtubers I watch.

See ya.

My Rants for 2018

Assalamualaikum.

Hey. Hi. Hello.

How’s life, guys? I hope everything is well.

There are only a few more days left before 2019 and I feel like 2018 goes by really fast. So this is about my life in 2018. Hmm. More like problems I encountered early 2018.

Early this year, my family faced some difficulties. But there is one problem that messed us up mentally, for me at least. I thought my life would never be the same again and in the smallest part of me, I want it to change. I kind of mad that we (my family) still remain the same. It’s like the problem is there and all of us know that it exists but we decided to just ignore it. It took me a few months to ignore it and the only reason why I finally chose to ignore it because I still love my family. ‘Air yang dicincang tak akan putus’ right? Besides, I really don’t like to overthink (it hurts my brain) and I know that the person who caused the problem would not listen to me (as I was the only one who couldn’t ignore it) so, conclusion? IGNORANCE. I hate it so much but I just too tired and stressed as new problems came up. Oh, by the way, this particular problem happened around February.

What is this new problem that stressed me out that I made me choose ignorance? Internship! Here is some background of my uni life. I’m a Chemistry (Forensic Analysis) student. It is a three-year course which equals six semesters. Our final year project (fyp) starts during our fourth semester and ends at the fifth semester. The last semester is the industrial training period.  Training supposedly starts on 05/03/2018 until 21/06/2018 (16 weeks). As usual, we have to find the internship place ourselves. In our case, whoever wishes to do their internship at Ibu Pejabat Polis Kontinjen (IPK) and forensic laboratory, our supervisor would arrange it. I interested in doing my training at the forensic lab so, I gave my resume to him. Mind you that he said those who chose forensic lab did not have to worry and he said so many times that we would get accepted. I am not worried at all; I didn’t even think about it. All I think about is my fyp. Oh by the way, for IPK and forensic lab, the internship date starts on the 19^th but the period remains the same; 16 weeks. Times went by and there is still no update from our SV. On 06/03/2018, my heart crushed. I was working at the moment (at McD) and my friend who applied at the same place as I am called me. It wasn’t busy so I pick up the call. She asked me if I have read the WhatsApp to which I said no and she said that we were NOT ACCEPTED! Honestly, my heart stopped for a second. So, I hung up, read the text and immediately message my SV. Can you guess what he said to me? He said, “Don’t worry just find another place”. WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK DUDE!! (I'm not cursing at my lecturer, just an expression) At this very moment, I have less than 2 weeks to find a place, to be accepted and to start training. My mind was not at my workplace. I couldn’t even function properly. So I told my manager that I couldn’t work the next week because I wanted to focus for my internship hunting. 4 weeks gone. Still, have no place. I’m so screwed. Ugh. Fortunately, my friend (who was called me) got accepted and supposed to start on 09/04/2018 and she told me to apply at the same place. I am so freaking grateful for my friend and would never forget what she did. I got accepted as well.

I am so stressed out during the whole 4 weeks. I’m not sleeping well, I’m not happy, and I always think of the worst case scenario where I was forced to push up my industrial training to next semester. That is something no one wants. If I was to extend my study period, let it be because I failed a subject or two and not because I couldn’t find an internship place which wasn’t even my fault. Ok. You might say, “You the one who ‘lepas tangan’ or you should always check with your lecturer or you should have a backup plan”. Alright people. First of all, I am not mad at my lecturer or 100% blame him for whatever happened, honestly. I’m more scared than mad. From what I can see, there are three sides to blame here; PDRM, my lecturer and me. The one who decide to not accept any student for IPK Selangor (did I not mention that they also got rejected) and forensic lab (only my friend and I applied for this place) was PDRM. The middle person was my lecturer. Basically, my lecturer needs to compile all of our resumes, transcripts and cover letters before sending them together to HQ. The process that took hell lot of time was for the PDRM to decide whether or not they going to accept us. The PDRM may be very busy and I didn’t even know how many stages it need to get through before they decide. Also, we did ask our lecturer multiple of times for any updates which either he just seen the text or replied,” Don’t worry. Those applied for IPK Selangor need to search for another place in case not accepted and the others have nothing worry about.” Well, he is a very busy person and I couldn’t blame him or push for an answer really. He just lost his father around that time. So..yeah. I also at fault, I guess. I should at least have one place in mind but then again the lecturer said not to be worried and risk of not to be rejected was very very low. Conclusion: always have a backup plan.

Currently, I’m working at my internship place. Only me. Why and what happened to my friend? That is for another long entry. I didn’t expect this to be a long rant. I wanted to summarise my 2018 year in this one entry but meh. It already too long. 

See ya.

Life As A University Student

assalamualaikum wbt

[sila jawab ye walaupun dalam hati]

sekian lama daku menyepikan diri kini aq kembali..huhu

alhamdulillah aq dah pun tamat belajar di matrik bulan 4 yang lalu dan telah pun berjaya memasuki U yang mementing dan menjaga hak anak2 melayu dan bumiputra..dah boleh agak kan aq dapat mana..dalam Malaysia nie ada satu jek..

dan sekarang sudah pun 2 minggu aq bergelar mahasiswa UiTM Shah Alam

setakat nie hidup agak ok

dapat roommates yang ok boleh kamceng

dan aq dah pun mula ada assignment, tutorial..nama pun datang nak belajar kan so elakkan merungut

UiTM nie sangat besar..fakulti aq pun besar..sekarang pun masih sesat lagi..ayo

hari first pendaftaran aq dah kena masuk kelas dan masa nak cari kelas sangat2 menstresskan

ya Allah..dah la aq sorang jek pastu bangunan pun xkenal lagi..masa tu rasa nak nangis nak balik xnak sambung belajar dah [kalau korang nak fikir aq gedik ke apa ke sukati la sebab masa tu memang aq dah penat gila]..sejam kot aq merayau kat tempat yang sama

3-4 kali tanya orang dan akhirnya berjaya juga..nasib baik

so..hehe..xjadi balik

nak cerita pasal course aq amik pun macam xsesuai lagi sebab aq masih baru..tu kena tunggu 2-3 sem la kot..haha

akhir kata 'mahu seribu daya, tak mahu seribu dalih'

adios~~

hiperbola lebih tapi x buat juga

assalamualaikum wahai manusia2 sekalian

salam 1 Malaysia

maaf seribu kali maaf kerana daku bersikap hiperbola..ampun!

bak kata orang kampung aq, cakap x serupa bikin

busy with student life? cliche bebeno alasan tu

sebab bukan 24/7 busy kan..cuma 2-3 minggu kebelakangan nie la busy manjang

pensyarah2 semakin kejam T.T

seminggu straight aq x tidur pukul 2 lebih jek..insomnia sekejap..haha

selalunya tidur dalam range pukul 1 pagi..

tidur lambat sejam lebih dari biasa menyebabkan aq diserang sakit kepala [xtau la migrain ke apa]

since it's not good for my health, now i tried to balance my schedule tapi nama pun kehidupan seorang pelajar kan so nak xnak kita redha jelah

sebenarnyakan entry nie dah lama aq simpan dalam draft lah nie baru ada kesedaran nak sambung..hehe
laptop rosak dan seperti tidak mahu dibetulkan jek...kakakku sering memberi harapan palsu kepadaku T.T
aku kan pemalas orangnya so amat la jarang pergi ke library..sekian lama xjejak


untuk pengetahuan korang yang ingin tahu pasal kehidupan aq, aq sekarang sedang berada disaat2 akhir sebagai pelajar KMS..bulan 4 last kot..haishh terasa sekejap sangat [ayat nak poyo] dulu nak cepat abis belajar sebab stress tapi sekarang nak lambat2 sebab nanti xjumpa member kat sini dah..masing2 duk jauh..hehe..niat x ikhlas seh aq nie
setiap pertemuan pasti ada perpisahan..memang lumrah kehidupa


sampai sini sajalah entry kali nie..lama dah dalam draft so..adios!!

kisah UPS, Raya dan outingku

Assalamuaikum

Wuhuu

UPS dah berlalu..alhamdulillah

Tapi risau tetap risau

I don't think i'd done my best in this exam..ayoyo..apalah nak jadi dengan aq nie
Hmm

Whats done is done
Biarkan jek..nanti baru meraung
Now what i really wanna talk about are things after ups
Ups habis hari Khamis
Jumaat ada sambutan Hari Raya Perdana
Kitorang kena hias booth pastu buat rumah terbuka tapi kami pelajar SM3K3T1 buat rumah tertutup gara2 keridak cukupan makanan..agagaga
Madam Nashima aka our mentor pun cakap xpayah..keke..makan kitorang2 jek..pergh cantik
Masa nak mula hias, semua xde idea
So kami pun melangut sejam dua
Lepas tu baru idea datang mencurah2..haha
Tapi booth tu x la secantik orang lain punya...buat kerja last minute kan..lagipun kitorang makan kitorang2 jek..huhu
Program start dalam pukul 3 petang..awal2 tu ada sikit kesulitan dan kestressan tapi lepas tu dah ok dah..seronok!
Aq terjadi hiperaktif lak..hehe...aq makin becok sekarang nie..xtau la kenapa..peralihan cuaca kot..huhu
Tapi sayangnya chief kitorang xde..dia ada pertandingan ragbi so xdapat la nak join...kumain jeles lagi dia..hahaha..

Besoknya aq outing!!
Hehe..nie memang betul nak hilangkan stress UPS..haha
Ku pergi KL jek..pergi dengan Isha, Maya dan Balqis..sepatutnya Nadia ikut sekali tapi dia ada program jadi hanya kami berempat
Penat tu memang penat la kan tapi best
Mula2 tu kitorang pi KLCC..merayau2..dalam pukul 4 lebih, family Isha sampai dari Perlis..
So merayau lagi la kitorang
Plannya kitorang nak duduk kat hotel murah jek yang tarak bintang..berlambak kot tapi ayah Isha pi booking hotel yang ada star2...kitorang dah rasa x sedap dah..nak bayar tapi diorang xnak terima..segan
Xde benda pun yang dibuat sangat..merayau jek banyak..huhu..kitorang gerak balik KMS dalam pukul 3 [kot..hehe..xingat la]
Pengalaman baru kot..insya Allah ada rezeki kita outing lagi...

Dalam aq keluar jalan2 tu, Jujaa [roomateku] tinggal sorang dalam bilik..Gegirl pun outing..sian dia..dah ajak tapi dia xmau ikut..nasib baik malam ada orang teman tidur sekali
Haihh...buat risau jek

Banyak gambar kat Maya..aq xamik lagi
Dan entah mengapa aq xdapat nak upload gambar..
Niat nak share gambar sebab nak korang jeles tidak termakbul..tu la niat yang x elok lagi
Hehe..
Itu saja dari saya..adios!!